Dress rehearsals

Episode 7

NOTES:

You can see Scott perform in a 1992 InterPlay piece called “God, Sex and Power” here. He’s the one with the bandaids on his knees. 

Singing Positive is a two-part documentary film about the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus (SFGMC) and its experience with AIDS that spans 15 years. The first film, which featured Scott, was produced in 1992 and is hard to find online. The second film, produced in 2009, saw the filmmakers return to SFGMC to explore the impact of AIDS on the chorus over time. The 2009 film, with clips of Scott from the first film, is here. And you can watch some amazing SFGMC performances on their YouTube channel here. 

Scott was a member of Hālau Nā Kamalei o Līlīlehua (here’s a recent video) under the direction of Kumu Hula Robert Uluwehi Cazimero. When his moved to San Francisco, Scott supported his hula brother, Patrick Makuakāne's hula school Nā Lei Hulu I Ka Wēkiu. Patrick's recent work includes Māhū, a production by and with trans hula performers.  

On the MCC in Hawai’i, see the Queer Histories of Hawai’i’s story here. 

Music:

“Spirit of the Living God” is by Daniel Iverson.

“In the Garden,” also known as “I Come to the Garden Alone” is by C. Austin Miles. It’s the favorite hymn of many a Christain mother, aunt, and grandmother. The soloist is Juliette Galuteria, Scott Galuteria and Brickwood Galuteria’s mother 

“God Prepare Me to Be a Sanctuary” is by Randy Scruggs and John Thompson.  

THANKS

Special thanks to the friends and experts who helped us think through this episode. 

• Frank DeLuca

• William Salit and Stan Stone

• Dr. Rachel Gross

• Dr. Christopher Cantwell

Resources:

The Hawai’i Health and Harm Reduction Center – reducing the harm and fighting the stigma of HIV in Hawai’i. 

International EMS and Firefighter Pride Alliance – courage over adversity.

TRANSCRIPT:

Episode 07 – Dress Rehearsals

NOTE: This audio documentary podcast was produced and designed to be heard. If you are able, do listen to the audio, which includes emotions and sounds not on the page. Transcripts may contain errors. Check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.

Scott Galuteria: Hi.

Lynne Gerber: That's Scott Galuteria.

Scott Galuteria: Oh boy. Okay. 

Lynne Gerber: He's about to eulogize his lover, Bruce Bunger. A lot of people were at Bruce's memorial in 1990. Scott's mother. His best friend. People from Bruce's job. And many people from the Metropolitan Community Church of San Francisco, the people who had seen them through their whole relationship. All two years of it. Bruce's parents, Imogene and Howard Bunger, were also there. 

Scott Galuteria: Well, um. I'd like to start out with this little story. Um, when Imogene and Howard showed up on, on Thursday, they came over to the house and before we went out to, to dinner, um, well actually it was after dinner that Imogene, who is a student aid in Arvada, um, she was out of, um, out of class for, for about a week because she was sick and then they got the word that Bruce had passed away. And so, um, their teacher had put on. on the blackboard, uh, sympathy and I think it was son or something or Bruce. And they proceeded to write cards, uh, sympathy cards, uh, for their beloved Mrs. Bunger. And, um, I just wanted to share one of them that had me on the floor. Okay. So it says, dear Mrs. Bunger, I'm very sorry about your son. I leave you tips. One. Don't burst into tears. Two. Dress firmly in black. And three, be back to school soon. So I would really appreciate it if we would observe that first one until at least I sit down or else if we do like burst into tears, I'll be the leader. Okay. 

Lynne Gerber: Bruce and Scott were lovers in a dangerous time. Socially dangerous because their relationships weren't widely recognized or supported. Economically dangerous because they had few legal protections. Physically dangerous because of a virus and how it might be shared. And emotionally dangerous because of what AIDS could make them ask of each other, sooner or later,

Scott Galuteria: I'd like to first read something that a friend of mine, wrote to me, uh, when I sent him a, he and his wife, a Christmas card about Bruce's diagnosis and everything and how, um, I was, you know, going to be his caretaker. 

Lynne Gerber: There can be something shimmering about time when it's lived under such dangers. And the pressures to live while there's living to be had. 

Scott Galuteria: And so he sent this beautiful, these beautiful words to me. Our culture has two times. There is regular time. It ticks by. Then there's another time. Artists drift into it when they work, lovers when they love, martyrs when they make the decision to die. It is a time of enchantment. It too is real, maybe even more real, because it is saturated with eternity. Most of the time, enchanted time comes at the expense of real time, but in some way it doesn't really matter. If at the end people can love with an open heart, lives are redeemed, even short ones.

Lynne Gerber: Relationships can be redeemed that way too. Even short ones. 

This episode is about Scott and Bruce, a church couple that stands out in the memories of so many MCC folks who lived through these years. It's a story of enchanted time -- enchanted by love and its expansive possibilities and by sickness and loss and the harsh limits they impose. And it's about the experience of walking through AIDS with friends and with lovers, knowing that the odds were good that you'd be walking through some version of it yourself some time soon. Never knowing if you'd be dealt a better or worse hand from that really shitty deck. 

This is When We All Get to Heaven. Episode 7 -- Dress Rehearsals. I'm Lynne Gerber. 

Lynne Gerber: A lot of MCC folks we talked to remembered Bruce. And they remembered him in strikingly similar ways.   

Bob Lawrence: he was, uh, um, this part needs to be bleeped on the recording. He was hot as fuck!

Cees Van Aalst: I Mean, he really was a hunk. He was a very good looking man.

Marc Minardi: Bruce was a forest ranger, an exceedingly attractive personable man. 

Dennis Edelman: He was a lumber sexual. 

Lynne Gerber: Oh, yes. One of my favorite varieties. Yes. 

Marc Minardi: He fit that bill perfectly. 

Lynne Gerber: Nice. 

Marc Minardi: He was, he was. Hot. H O T. 

Dennis Edelman: Rock Hudson in the forest. 

Lynne Gerber: And then there was Scott. 

Kevin Fong: Scott Kaliulaokala Galuteria. 

Lynne Gerber: That's Kevin Fong. Scott's best friend. When we interviewed him, he showed us pictures. 

Kevin Fong: we met at church at MCC. he came to church. He joined the church soon after I was there and when he walked in and you will see an image of him, stunning, Pacific Islander man, coming in, we just locked eyes and said, This is it, you know, we, we, we felt a deep resonance, in connection and, became best friends, brothers, for life. 

Lynne Gerber: Scott was a flight attendant flying back and forth between San Francisco and his native Honolulu. He was a singer, a dancer and a drag performer. And by all accounts, he was also a very attractive man. Even his brother, Brickwood, couldn't help but mention it. 

Brickwood Galuteria: The dude was, he was a good looker, man. He was a, the guy was a stud. 

Lynne Gerber: Scott and Bruce were a church romance waiting to happen. And their friends were delighted when it finally did. This is Bruce's friend Marc Minardi – who just spelled “hot” for us to convey precisely how hot Bruce was. 

Marc Minardi: Now during the initial time when we knew him, he had a series of lovers but none lasted very long. And then, he met Scott 

Lynne Gerber: And this is Kevin – who locked eyes with Scott across a room and knew they were destined for best friendship. 

Kevin Fong: Scott soon, of course, hooked up with, Bruce Bunger. sweetest guy ever. And so, he was the catch. He was one of the, like, you are a catch at MCC.

Lynne Gerber: Scott told their story at Bruce's memorial. 

Scott Galuteria: Well, my enchanted time with Bruce began the moment I met him on a Sunday in October of 1988. I had attended the 11 o'clock service here, and a friend, invited me to brunch with – Brunch. It's one of those things you do on Sunday. – He invited me to brunch with a circle of his friends. And fortunately I was seated across this handsome, witty, masculine, intelligent, caring, and truly spiritual man. Of course, coming straight from church, I thanked God. But that was when I knew That I wanted and needed Bruce in my life forever.

Lynne Gerber: Some relationships start and grow in bars. Some on the dance floor. These two? Church. All the way. 

Scott Galuteria: Well, our dating period was, to say the least, disastrous. I was reminded of this last night as we were folding and putting the programs together. Our first date was to be a dinner and a movie. Of course, I was totally excited. Then I got a call from Bruce because he had forgotten that that night the deacons were in charge of folding the newsletters and sending them out for the monthly mailing. 

Lynne Gerber: Bruce was a deacon at MCC San Francisco. That meant he had a lot of church responsibilities. Sacred ones -- like making hospital visits to the sick. And mundane ones -- like organizing church mailings in the days before the internet. 

Scott Galuteria: So we were to meet at the church, stuff a few envelopes, leave, no problem. Well, Bruce and I locked the church at 11:30 at night. We were the last ones to leave. Being a newcomer to the church, I was devastated, because I didn't realize how important the newsletter was. But during that night, which actually turned into a moment of enchantment, I saw how Bruce's love and dedication as a deacon and a member permeated throughout this church, which has now become mine. 

Lynne Gerber: Being a deacon at MCC could be hard. Because all those hospital and home visits were painful in themselves, and because they showed you what might be coming. Patrick Horay, who was also a deacon, told me what it was like for Bruce. 

Patrick Horay: he really struggled with being a deacon because he was diagnosed with HIV himself. . And we had to deal with that. There was an aspect and they called it, dress rehearsal. You go to the hospital, you'd see somebody in the hospital bed and you go, well, that could be me in six months. 

Lynne Gerber: Dress rehearsals were everywhere in these years. Not just with deacons.

Patrick Horay: And that happened to lots of couples and the, the dress rehearsal where one person would be nursing, the person through death and then would be sick themselves.

Lynne Gerber: And not just with couples either. In communities of friends, like in MCC, everyone was witnessing and living through different versions of the same set of questions. When would your beloved person get sick? What would they get sick with? What treatments would there be by then? Who would be there to care for them? How do you help your person realize their wishes for treatment? Or for the end of life? Or for what happens after death? Would their families be part of it? Would those families help or hurt? 

All the while wondering if and when those questions would come for you. And for the people who love you and would care for you. If any of them were left.

Lynne Gerber: But Bruce and Scott were still in the enchanted time of learning each other's worlds. 

Scott Galuteria:  as our real time went on together, Bruce and I were able to enjoy each other's worlds. I joined him in Hawaii for his birthday in 1989, and we spent three glorious days in Kona. We visited the volcano, walked through Hapu'u Forest, and lava tubes. We had tea and crumpets with friends in their newly built log cabin surrounded by gardenias. But the most frustrating thing for Bruce was trying to pronounce my friend's names, let alone remembering them. You know, he couldn't understand why no one had a simple name like John or Mary or, you know, there was Kalehua, Keola, Kekona, Kaimi, Lena'ala. But it was there in Hawaii that our love for each other flourished. Then it was time for Bruce to show me his world. A world of forests, deserts, canyons, jagged lightning, huge clouds of pure white, sunsets of Indian hues, We took a 10 day road trip to the Grand Canyon, Santa Fe, Canyon du Chelly, all of those places Hoover Dam, you know, where you go when you go. So I, I really learned a lot. I mean, you know, foliage and, you know, this tree, we're passing, you know, junipers and, you know, so as we're going along and, um, crossing the desert, listening to tapes of horses, I don't know, it was, it was fun, you know, the 1812 Overture going across Nevada was like a real hit with us, but one enchanted moment that I remember is when we've made it to the grand Canyon and we decided to spend half a day right on the Canyon rim. And there we were under. A juniper bush and Bruce was sleeping next to me and I was writing letters and lightning and thunder was playing across on the other side of the canyon. And I mean, I really didn't need anything else and I didn't want anything else because what we had right then and there was, was enough and it, it made us happy. 

Lynne Gerber: There was an enchanted time of gay coupledom. 

Marc Minardi: We were friends. We lived the gay life together at, up at Sea Ranch. We would have parties and we would dance and we would hula and we would do everything like that kind of thing. And we'd have this beautiful view of the ocean. Those were years, those were really powerful years.

Lynne Gerber: And an enchanted time of living alongside lovers and friends. 

Kevin Fong: I started staying over at Bruce and Scott's house. I mean, it was just like my second home. We'd hang out there and laugh and cook And, and lived in community together. And it was just lovely. Soon after, I would say, and that's about the time that I got together with, my partner, 

Lynne Gerber: They lived entwined lives for a while. 

Kevin Fong: And we had, I would say we had one good year and one tough year.

Lynne Gerber: And, too soon, there was the terrible enchantment of sickness 

Scott Galuteria: But, um, as, as the year went on, um, that's when the grip of, of AIDS got, got to Bruce, but like everybody else had, um, had seen here in church is that he never let it get him down. Not at all. 

Cees Van Aalst: For a while, I didn't see him. And he came back and I, I did recognize him, but he had already changed so much because of AIDS. And I saw him a week later and I didn't know who he was. He had changed so incredibly much. I, I didn't recognize him.

Lynne Gerber: Sickness brought the time of caring. When lovers and families and other caregivers would have to interact. Sometimes for the first time. When Bruce went into the hospital with pneumocystis pneumonia, Rev. Jim Mitulski announced it from the pulpit. 

Jim Mitulski: And also our church member, Bruce Bunger, who's in Davies Hospital as well. Still ask for visitors tomorrow if you can. he's very appreciative of the, uh, visits he's had, and especially the prayers. A bunch of us, uh, went there before this service, and sang Christmas carols in Bruce's room, and, and I brought communion to him, and he just said he so appreciates the spiritual energy he's getting from this place. And he's praising God for healing that he's experiencing, in his relationship with his family. his parents, especially, who are going to be coming out to visit in January.

Lynne Gerber: And through all their enchanted time, commitments were made in love, affirmed in sickness, and re-affirmed in death. 

Scott Galuteria: I, I wrote this to him. Last Christmas Eve. And, uh, he, uh, He was in the hospital with his first bout of PCP. And, uh, we had a wonderful candlelight dinner on the second floor of Davies, in room 205. Um, and I just want to leave this with you. My dearest, it was a year ago Christmas Eve while the candles were being lit and words of silent night rose up to heaven that my heart opened to you. and how I cherish and caress that moment when tears welled up in our eyes and I told you those three simple words which mean so much I love you I thank God for your year of learning growing and loving you I now reaffirm and rededicate my life my love and my joy to you god bless you my sweet right now I reaffirm I re dedicate my love. You will always be with me. Whenever I see a tree, glorious forest. Whenever I hear thunder, I see lightning. You'll be there. So, I love you. 

Lynne Gerber: We don't know if he knew it or not, but by Bruce’s Memorial,  Scott had been through a dress rehearsal. A year of AIDS care and seeing a possible future up close. He went through it alongside Kevin, who also lost his partner.

Kevin Fong: so we became Scott and I became AIDS widows. we moved together in 1990 and well, we never formally lived together. I had my place. He had his place on Bush Street. we'd find each other at each other's houses a lot. Grieving, mourning, and celebrating life.

Lynne Gerber: When their lovers died, each had to engage with their lover's family. Scott was dealt a pretty good hand with Bruce's. Kevin got a much harder one with his lover’s. 

Kevin Fong:  Soon after his family came out, all of his brothers and his mom, drove out from Chicago. 

Lynne Gerber: Kevin’s lover wanted his ashes to be scattered in the Bay. Kevin made that happen. 

Kevin Fong: I got this boat thingy so everybody was to kind of board the boat and then we go out into the bay and scatter ashes, throw flowers, et cetera. And at the last minute, his mother said, I don't think I want to go on this boat. I said, that's fine. and the brother said, well, we should stay with our mom. And so I said, that's fine. Why don't you just go back to the apartment and we'll be back in a few hours. And so we went out on the boat. so the family went back to the apartment and cleaned everything out. so it was a very calculated, move on their part. But they had the rental truck and they had three and a half hours, four hours, and they took everything, including my stuff. And so, my fam, my friends were all like, you should go after them, you should do this and that. And at that point I was just so not about that. and so this is about all I have.

Lynne Gerber: A photograph or two.

Kevin Fong: And so, I cherish what I have even more because of, the injustice that was done to us, in his memory.

Lynne Gerber: Scott and Kevin had to live with all this loss and new-found singleness alongside a virus that could spread through intimacy. By the time Bruce died there was a reliable test for HIV. And the community had gotten over a lot of its initial reticence in taking it. So you, and everyone you knew, were facing that test down over and over and over again. Everyone, like Marc and his husband Dennis.

Marc Minardi: I remember being scared to death, being scared. Death about that time. Yeah. And walking in the park and just contemplating what. My future would be if I was positive and, uh, thinking, how, how was I going to face the future? And, uh, uh, it, it, it, that was a scary prospect. And, uh, it was at a time when you just, that wasn't the only HIV test you'd take, but you would take them repeatedly. And you'd go through that several times.

Lynne Gerber: By all accounts Scott lived a full and rich life after Bruce died. He left a very intriguing archival trail. If you go on YouTube you can see him dance with an improvisational group called InterPlay. He danced hula with a renowned all-male troupe and learned from a teacher who's since been named a MacArthur genius. He sang with the San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus and was featured in a documentary about them. 

Jim Mitulski: You may have noticed a roving camera person, uh, here. And let me tell you who they are and why they're here. they are, uh, from French television, French public television. 

Lynne Gerber: And at some point Scott tested positive. 

Jim Mitulski: And they're here in San Francisco to do the following thing. They're doing a documentary on, uh, people living with HIV, specifically on members of the Gay Men's Chorus. And they're profiling four different men from the Gay Men's Chorus, and how they live, how they cope with HIV, following them around, kind of like a day in the life of. And, the person that we know here is Scott Galuteria.

Lynne Gerber: He was so involved in MCC that when that documentary crew came to town he insisted that they film him in church

Jim Mitulski: He's liked. So, why is this important? It's important because Uh, Scott wanted them very much to see him at church because Scott, in his own words, said to me when he asked to do this, said that this church is one of the primary things, if not the most important thing in San Francisco, that he wanted people to see about what gives him hope as he lives with HIV.

Lynne Gerber: He found love with a new partner, Frank. Who wasn't part of MCC but supported Scott's community there. And at some point, at some time, Scott started getting sick. His brother Brickwood told us about how Scott related to the virus. 

Brickwood Galuteria: And Scott had a real interesting perspective to it too. I would sit with him. and ask him, what's the feeling to you? What's his, he says, he looked at AIDS as a somebody sitting across from him on a desk. I recall him saying, he's sitting across from me on a desk and it's a shadow. And I can't make out his face. And I want to talk to it and it's just looking back at me and not saying anything. So I can't make out how to move forward. And it must have been very distressing for him. But he was also, I think his faith helped him a lot. Helped him deal with it, through pule, which is prayer.

Lynne Gerber: His faith was there. And so was his community of faith. The family of friends who got him through Bruce's sickness and death, stepped up when Scott started getting dealt bad hand after bad hand. 

Marc Minardi: Bruce asked me very close to the day he died if we would, if we, Denny and I, would please take care of Scott. And so I promised him that we would. And, After he died, we, Scott developed serious HIV and he slowly, started to die. And, we did a lot of things around Scott's illness, but I remember one day going going to his apartment. And he wanted help with, somebody to wash his hair. So I washed his hair for him. And that was the most intimate thing I think I ever did for another person. And I just can't tell you what that did to me. 

Kevin Fong: This one image I have is, I think we were at an evening service, and um, it was, they were always really packed. And so Scott and I were sitting at, they had chairs as well as, as the standard pews. And Scott and I were sitting at a pew, and he just needed to lay down. And so, um, so I kind of just, there were like three people, three of our friends sitting next to us, or, or church members. And so I just said, Scott needs to lay down and I don’t know what to do. And everybody just kind of scooted down even so they were really really tight down there and they let, let Scott lay down and then they they kind of came back in and so I had Scott's head in my lap and I forget who was, Don Chambers might have been next to me and had Scott's you know torso, and then Patrick was probably next to him and had his legs etc. and just the fact that we were able to It was so natural to do that. 

Lynne Gerber: And the church made family with Scott's family.

Brickwood Galuteria: the entire community was so, had so much aloha for us. we couldn't have asked to be embraced by a better bunch of people. And we were so lucky that Scott called him, his family too, I mean, they were there for us.

Lynne Gerber: A little more than three years after Bruce died, Scott died. With his family and friends alongside him. No more dress rehearsals. 

Kevin Fong: Scott died on, February 15th, 1994. His 34th birthday was February 11th. So, we celebrated in the hospital. There we go. So, that was his birthday. February 11th, his brother and mom came out. They actually flew home, I think, on Valentine's Day, the 14th. And that's when I called. They were barely home when I said, You, gotta come back. 

Brickwood Galuteria: So, if we're moving to the day Scott passed, we were, Mom and I were in, uh, San Francisco at, the hospital. And even, some of our family flew up to, to be with Scotty. And, in his final moments. we sang, we sang. as a family, we sing church songs. Savior, Savior like a shepherd lead us. Yesu no ke kahui pa. Yesu no ke kahui pa. Kahui pa mai kai e. That kind of stuff. They're church numbers that we sing at Kaua'i Ha'o. Yeah, we just kind of sang and then he, and then he passed. 

Brickwood Galuteria: That evening when mom and I returned to, to his place. And, she was sleeping on his bed and I was sleeping on the floor next to the bed. I've never heard so much grief expressed from a, through a mom's loss of her child. Mom was like in this, in this separate space of anguish, that she needed to experience. She needed to. Go through. And then, we had prayer, and then we went to sleep. And then the next day we proceeded to ensure that Scott's, passing would be, I guess, appropriately handled, if you will. And then we just kind of needed to take a couple of deep breaths. So for any families who are going through this and find themselves, in that moment of deliverance, well, God bless you guys. Aloha you, like we say in Hawai'i, aloha you. 

Lynne Gerber: Scott's family came to MCC and they all grieved together. By all accounts we’ve heard, his funeral was enchanted. Bob Crocker did the music. He planned it with Scott’s mother.

Bob Crocker: And, I think I had just spoken to her for five minutes on the phone. And she, she just said, what are the hymns you're playing? and she approved of them all, and then I said, do you think you could possibly sing for us? And, she said in the garden, which actually was my mom's favorite him too, we didn't speak after that, but she was clearly, participating deeply in the funeral. 

Lynne Gerber: Marc and his husband, Dennis Edelman were there at Scott's funeral. Dennis described it for us. 

Dennis Edelman: But, in the congregation for the funeral was the entire hula company of the San Francisco hula troupe that Scott was a member of. And so the service started. And, these friends who are also Hula Company colleagues were scattered throughout the whole congregation on the main floor and in the balcony. And in the sides. And it, it was so full, the, the church was so full that people had to lean in open windows. to participate in the service, or be present at the service   

Bob Crocker: And then she just walked up when it was time to sing. And, she just turned around to me and said, In “f” please and she fucking killed us 

Dennis Edelman: And, and, uh, in that service, Scott's mother and Brick sang together, and this is what you'll hear, if you have a tape, I don't know, I come to the garden alone. A very emotional, old Protestant hymn.

Juliette Galuteria: (singing) I come, the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses. and you may tarry there.

Dennis Edelman: And it's a slow moving, melodic kind of, hymn. And, as they began to sing, a couple people from the troupe got up and started doing hula to the hymn. And as they continued to sing all the verses throughout the hymn, more and more of the hula troupe got up in the balcony and outside and in the congregation and all by the end, the whole sanctuary was filled with people doing hula.

Juliette Galuteria: And you bid me go, thro the voice of woe, your voice to me is calling. 

Lynne Gerber: That's amazing. 

Dennis Edelman: It was the most beautiful thing to see this dance, And to have these two mother and son singing this hymn, oh my, oh my God, it's just unbelievable. 

Juliette Galuteria: And you walk with me, and you talk with me, and you tell me I am your own. And the joy we share as we tarry there, none other has ever known. 

Lynne Gerber: That was Juliette Galuteria singing the song everyone remembers her singing that day. But we couldn't find a recording of Scott's memorial. What you heard is Juliette's own dress rehearsal, whether she knew it or not. She had sung the same song, her favorite song, at Bruce's memorial years before she sang it at Scott's. We don't know for sure, but in our imaginations that's Scott singing the harmony alongside her. 

Lynne Gerber: In the years when Scott and Bruce were together and Scott and Frank were together, the years they lived alongside Marc and Kevin and everyone else in the MCC community, almost all the cards being dealt around gayness and around AIDS pretty much sucked. You lived different, hard versions of the same questions with your friends, and your lovers. And, a lot of times, with yourself. 

Lynne Gerber: But a few years after Scott died, there were some new cards and new possible hands. And Brickwood was in a position to actually play them. 

Brickwood Galuteria: You asked what, Scott's life, how Scott's life and Scott's loss and his illness impacted us and impacted me. And, how did I deal with it in certain ways? Well, there's something that I keep forgetting about, but it's definitely, is because of Scott. 

Brickwood Galuteria: I spent 10 years as a state senator, And I'm especially proud of two pieces of legislation that became law in the State of Hawaii. One was the Civil Unions Bill. I was the sole introducer of the Civil Unions Bill Which essentially provided a model for domestic partnership. And because marriage, same sex marriage wasn't legal in Hawaii at the time, there was only one way for couples to access their assets. Right? Otherwise they would go back to the family or go back into probate. 

Lynne Gerber: Like we saw with Kevin. 

Brickwood Galuteria: See, I mean, see, a guy owns a home, but the other guy doesn't own the home. He's not on title. And it was important that we protect the assets of the couple. And so that the domestic partnership could take place. That became law. I think it was 2011.

Lynne Gerber: But domestic partnership wasn't enough for Brickwood.

Brickwood Galuteria: And so two years later, I'm sitting on the table with my colleagues saying, Okay, now is the time for marriage equality bill. And I got it right here. Who's gonna sign it? Nobody signed it. I said, hey, you know what? F you guys, I'm signing this thing. I signed the thing. We move it through the Senate. We move it through the House. It goes up to the governor and he signs the marriage equality bill. And I'm going to tell you, straight up, anybody who's listening, that was a direct hit because of Scotty.

Lynne Gerber: Celebrating commitments between partners was part of MCC's history from the outset. Way back when Troy Perry started this whole experiment, he performed Holy Union ceremonies where lovers made their personal commitments to each other in public. Way before anyone thought gay marriage would ever be legal. 

Lynne Gerber: These Holy Unions were important queer rites. But in some ways, in these years, the memorial services were the queerest rites of all. 

Jim Mitulski: We remember lovers in this church proudly. You know, one of the things I love about the celebrations of life that we do at MCC is that people can come here and tell the truth about how they lived. You know, there are people for whom we do memorial services, and this is fine because there are many reasons, complex reasons, that have a funeral at another church, and then they come here and have a memorial service. Where the real story is told. This is a church where we can say, I loved this person with my body. They loved me with their body. Our lovers. A sacred thing that there are people in our lives, sometimes for a night, sometimes for a season, sometimes for many years, that we share our bodies with. We don't use a euphemism here. Roommate. Friend. We remember our lovers, and we're proud to be able to do so in a church. 

Jim Mitulski: We remember our friends. Is there a more profound relationship than that of friend to friend? I think that we appreciate the bond of friendship. How many times have we rallied around someone, lovers and ex lovers, friends? And that has been a deeper bond than that of biological family. Or a new family is created composed of biological family and friends. 

Lynne Gerber: You never knew who was going to show up at a memorial service at MCC San Francisco. A lover. Multiple lovers. An ex or two. A parent or a whole family or no biological relatives at all. People from the deceased's weekly bridge game or their HIV support group. A friend who drove him to church every week from two hours away. A neighbor who shared a pet with him when he was sick and seemed lonely. Or any of the seemingly random people who stepped up those last few months and became an unlikely community of care. And a web of queer kin. Together they made this world of expansive loves -- the kind of loves that can see a community through a crisis.     

Lynne Gerber: On the next episode – the minister gets sick.

Kevin Fong: You know, it's just like, I'm going to cuss. Oh fuck Just another, another, now this, right?

CREDITS

When We all Get To Heaven is a project of Eureka Street Productions and is distributed by Slate. It was co-created and produced by me, Lynne Gerber, Siri Colom and Ariana Nedelman. 

When we started this podcast AIDS felt more like history. Now it feels more like current events. If you want to support the important work being done countering the current challenges to AIDS research and treatment, there are links to good groups in the show notes. They’d love your support. 

Our story editor is Sayre Quevedo. Our sound designer is David Herman. Our first managing producer was Sarah Ventre. Our current managing producer is Krissy Clark. Tim Dillinger-Curenton is our Consulting Producer. Betsy Towner Levine is our fact checker. And our outreach coordinator is Ariana Martinez.

The music comes largely from MCC San Francisco’s archive and is performed by its members, ministers, and friends. Additional music is by Domestic BGM.   

We had additional story editing support from Arwen Nicks, Allison Behringer, and Krissy Clark. 

A lot of other people helped make this project possible, you can find their names on our website. You can also find pictures and links for each episode there at – heavenpodcast.org. 

Our project is supported by the Henry Luce Foundation, the E. Rhodes and Leona B Carpenter Foundation and some amazing individual donors. It was also made possible with support from California Humanities, a non-profit partner of the National Endowment for the Humanities. You can visit them at www.calhum.org.

Eureka Street Productions has 501c3 status through our fiscal sponsor FJC: A Foundation of Philanthropic Funds

And many thanks to MCC San Francisco, its members, and its clergy past and present – for all of their work and for always supporting ours.